Attraction, Courtship, & Commitment: Part One

The episode explores the various dimensions of attraction, emphasizing how physical, intellectual, and emotional aspects intertwine to shape our romantic connections. With open discussions about monogamy, emotional dependence, and attraction’s role in modern relationships, listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own experiences and preferences. 
• Defining attraction and its multi-layered aspects 
• Discussing aesthetics and physical attraction factors 
• Exploring the unfamiliar role of sexual attraction 
• Evaluating the impact of intellectual compatibility 
• Investigating emotional attraction and its risks 
• Understanding romantic attraction dynamics 
• Addressing the concept of monogamy in attraction 
• Analyzing the effects of contraceptives on attraction 
• Engaging listeners with a reflective relationship challenge

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:06

Do you recall the first time that you saw the person you would eventually say I love you to? The sight of them made things tingle and your core temperature rise. Things felt awkward, just a little. You had a slight obsession with everything about them the way they looked, smelled, smiled, that glint in their eye when they looked back at you, if they gave you time of the day and they looked back at you, the way their skin or hand felt when it first came in contact with your skin. Intentional or not, the conversation that you held with this person the first time that you met them reeled you in, unlike any conversation you've held before. You hung on to their every word. You would soon begin to see each other more frequently, embracing and enjoying the little moments spent together. You both do whatever it takes to please the other mentally, emotionally and sexually. This connection has led you to believe and truly know in your heart and mind that this person is the one. You have finally crossed this bridge to where you're now inseparable.

Speaker 1 1:13

The process of dating and attraction is as old as humanity itself. Every species on the planet experiences the joys of attraction and courtship, but only a few and I do mean only a few get to experience the feeling of true commitment and, better yet, actual love. Welcome to Leo's Liberation. I'm your host, dre, and for the next two weeks we are tackling love and everything under, above and in between. I figured this would probably be the time for it and, plus, it's a bit more uplifting after talking about regrets for a whole week. This week we'll be focusing on something for the beginners and those who've been at it for a while. You kind of have that little trinity of attraction, courtship and commitment, and that kind of leaves us a little bit to talk about actually for this week. So, without further ado, let's go ahead and talk about attraction week.

Speaker 1 2:06

So, without further ado, let's go ahead and talk about attraction. Attraction, by definition, is the evocation of interest or pleasure for someone or something. Attraction, however, isn't always sexually focused, but, for the sake of this episode and probably the next two weeks, yeah, attraction is probably going to lead to sex in most cases. There are several ways that you could be attracted to a person and you know, these days, with technology and increased socialization from you know, basically the advancements of technology, apps per se, the number could be higher than that two digit number that I was thinking you know as far as how we can attract each other. But you know, the thing is we're all turned on by something. The other thing is, let's not forget that we are members of the animal kingdom. So, yeah, get off your high horse. You're an animal, we're animals, and the laws of attraction work the same. Only, you know we may have some more perverse ways of displaying this sometimes, but you know we're not running around biting each other's heads off after we mate. Well, figuratively maybe, okay, but I'm not here to judge, you do you, as long as you're not hurting anyone that doesn't want to be hurt consensually. A little bit of a kink reference there for you folks. All right, so I'll be at.

Speaker 1 3:16

You know there are several ways to be attracted to someone, but we're going to focus on probably six of them, cause you know me, I like to keep things simple. So where does this all start? And you know, as a man, I think I speak for everyone, as men have responsibly done over the centuries. Attraction begins with what's physically or visually, aesthetically pleasing to the person. You know that sizing them up game, we size each other up all day, every day. That's everybody. That is just something I think we do without trying. You're probably doing it and don't even realize it half the time, but this is the most common way that people are attracted to one another. If you look at the dating world nowadays and if they want to call it that it's all about what you can see, you know visually and physically about that person. So I say for all of you who want to like, do this whole big, like lore you write a lore about, about yourself on these apps and this big extensive thing that you want people to read. Nobody has time for that crap. So stop writing up extensive profiles that you're hoping someone is actually going to read and care about. In the end, if you show up and the face in front of them doesn't match the one that was online, it's a done deal. So stop it with the filters.

Speaker 1 4:28

People Embrace your ugliness. Be proud of your beer goggle mug that your mother loves only. But you know. Back to the subject at hand here. You know you have pecs, breasts, butt, hair, body hair, lips, eyes, an athletic build, fat, skinny or oddly shaped person and sweet Christmas, I swear. The way some people walk is enough to actually spark thoughts in your mind. And trust me when I say this, you are a fetish in someone's mind, so don't ever think you're ugly or undesirable. And it is true that there is someone out there for everyone. So the aesthetics of a person, and you know this form of attraction, can be very, very hot.

Speaker 1 5:11

Um, to some people, sometimes the sight of a person is enough and that's all you want, just to admire a look or feature about them. There's no obsession, um, just a weakness to you know, stop noticing them. So, basically, you know aesthetics do play a huge role in that and it's it does fall back in with your, your physical appearance. And also, you know, if you, if, if you, if you want to have that milkshake there and you want them to all come to your yard there, you might want to. You know, dress appropriately. But hey, some people like a relaxed look, some people like the business look. You just got to figure out who your, who your uh audience is, guess that you're trying to impress.

Speaker 1 5:49

So for all of you that are griping mostly about looks aren't everything, which I'm pretty sure so much probably raising an eyebrow to that by now I just say, basically, go ahead and rewind the show for about 10, 15 seconds and listen again, and maybe that applies to you, I'm not sure, but whatever. So, but on the other hand, you are right, there are other ways to be attracted to someone beyond looks. So, uh, I'm not really trying to go to hell for this, but I'm just going to take it there for a quick second. So Stevie wonder has never laid eyes on any woman that he's been with yet. He has nine children, has been married a few times and actually recently remarried, in 2017 to a younger woman, no less. So I'm sure the physical attraction was there, but that most likely came later.

Speaker 1 6:38

So you know, in the beginning I'm going to be an idiot and imagine that he had to rely on things that we take for granted in the beginning of our dating, our dating relationships, and you know, things like that social connection, intellectual, emotional and basically just good old fashioned romance. And you know what? I've actually found myself in a crowd before where you know you hear a person's voice and something about that voice is just attractive as hell to you and it's. You know, you kind of get that same feeling that you would, as if the person was standing in front of you. You know the smell of a person. You know this is why it's important to wear perfumes or colognes that mix well with your natural scent.

Speaker 1 7:15

You know, these are other ways that you can actually attract people without actually, you know, maybe being physically, you know, what you may consider up to standard, whatever that is. It's different for everybody, right, but you know the other thing is I'm not going to beat down the door on sexual attraction, but you know the other thing is I'm not going to beat down the door on sexual attraction, which is another one too much. But you know we're going to be talking about sex, probably quite a bit next week, but I think you know we've all been there, even the holiest of us, and you see that someone that you, you don't want to love them, you just want to use them for a moment. With sexual attraction, there are the feelings of arousal and lust and there's definitely definitely a rise in core temperature. Um, it can be so strong sometimes, though I mean like you kind of forget where you are, maybe blackout, depending on how strong the feeling is, um, but sexual attraction can lead to fantasizing. Uh, this is often done with couples that have been together for a while, and I guess the question here is because I've actually had maybe brief conversations about this before. But the question is is it cheating to think about someone else while engaging in acts of lovemaking with your partner? Yeah, I don't know, because I mean you never really know what's going on inside that mind and most cases people have their eyes closed because I think just literally staring each other down is creepy. But just um, just food for thought, not not trying to cause any problems, just food for thought. So, uh, intellectual attraction.

Speaker 1 8:36

So, as mentioned just a bit ago with Mr Wonder, uh, intellectual attraction is seen, as you know, basically non-sexual. But I would kind of disagree. You know, the mind is a very powerful thing. That imagination can do some things. Boy, um, um, you know, the extent of your imagination is basically kind of where that all goes. But there's also the level of smarts you possess, or the lack of um. That may be a quality that some people find attractive sometimes. Sometimes and this is no insult to anybody and hopefully it doesn't apply to anybody but sometimes dumb is cute, sometimes it is like it's just, it's just who they are, it's it's natural, and you know they mean no one, no harm, they're just, that's just who they are, it's natural and you know they mean no one, no harm, they're just, that's just who they are as a person. Sometimes that's cute, sometimes smart can be unattractive, but sometimes smart can be super attractive. Um, you know, it all depends on what your flavor is and what you're looking for people. So just keep that in mind.

Speaker 1 9:25

Um, emotional attraction this can be tricky. Um, I think you can connect with the person on a deeper level, but you can also fall prey to an unhealthy bonding with this person. You know, just remember, misery loves company. So you know, I think sometimes people are attracted to that sad person you know you're, I don't know, maybe you were the first person that made him smile in weeks. There's some type of emotional attraction there, at this point at least, from them to you. I'm not really sure what your attraction would be to them at that point, but maybe it's the same thing. But you know, you can kind of get hooked and it's kind of turned into a dangerous drug of sorts. And now you're kind of stuck in this. You know, in this bond that you, you know, eventually it gets old very fast, at least from what I've seen. Know, eventually it gets old very fast, at least from what I've seen. So, um, but you know, sometimes maybe it's just you being where you're supposed to be in life.

Speaker 1 10:17

Remember, we all enter and exit each other's lives for a reason and the emotional attraction that exists in a friendship that can actually um, you know, that can actually turn into love and basically a romantic attraction, which you know, obviously can be bundled with physical and sexual attraction at the same time. But you'll start to notice things about this person that you've never paid attention to before. So that emotional attraction, emotional attraction can be, uh, probably one of the most dangerous ones, cause I think it seems harmless, it seems natural and just like it's a normal thing that's happening. But there's deeper things going on that are kind of kind of brewing and, uh, they just kind of sneak up on you and just kind of, you know, take over. So, and you know, finally, we, we do have a romantic attraction, and this is just simply where you seek out a romantic relationship with someone and you know this one definitely can be non-sexual in nature, if you choose. Um, I definitely believe romantic attractions can be be non-sexual.

Speaker 1 11:10

Um, tend to look at your elderly community, and I'm sure there are some elderly folks out there that are still keeping that fire lit. I've looked at a few where they value that romance and emotional, intellectual bundle over the sex, which is not saying it's not fair, but they just value that deeper connection. I think, um, you know, uh, you live that long. I'm pretty sure you've had all the sex you've won. It's like it's nothing new to you. Um, but you know we'll all be there someday. It's just the way I look at it. So you know you can learn a lot from watching those relationships.

Speaker 1 11:44

And you know, on a quick note before I move on, um, I'm not sure if anybody listening has ever seen that movie X. It's a pretty old movie, I can't remember a few years back, not pretty old, but you know it's new but old. But yeah, you know, talk about keeping a fire lit between you know, an elderly couple. There was a lot going on in that movie. I would definitely say give it a watch. Kind of a horror movie of sorts in a sense. But anyway, moving on.

Speaker 1 12:12

So attraction does go deeper than you know. Basically just superficial things like sex. You know there's a more innate reaction, I think, occurring beyond our control and at the end of the day, you know we're all here to keep our species alive and mating is one way of doing that and attraction makes that happen. So you know how you choose to hold. A relationship can be, you know, an attraction or a deal breaker for some, but you know that main one that we look at is monogamy and this is actually one of the mating system, or this is part of the mating systems, in which is a form of attraction in the animal kingdom. But monogamy, um, some people look for that. If you're not willing to be, uh, you know, just me and you and that one-on-one, then I want nothing to do with you. Is how a lot of people feel and I think that's all fine and dandy. And you know, hats off to you folks, because I think monogamy is way harder than people give it credit for. But you know, if you prefer to embrace your hedonistic side and exercise your free will and right to find attraction in more than one person, which is perfectly natural, I say go for it.

Speaker 1 13:08

One thing that couples or people in the dating scene need to understand your friends with benefits, your girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse they're still going to find other people attractive and that kind of goes back to that whole. You know fantasizing. You know, during lovemaking the mind is kind of crazy how it works, but that attraction can make things happen and can actually, you know, kind of make the mind do things. Sometimes you don't want it to do, but you know they are going to be attracted to other people. It's very possible for them to be attracted to someone and still love you. That doesn't mean they don't love you or they want to leave you, they just find someone attractive, you know, just kind of. You know, find out why, have fun with it and just keep life moving. No need to turn it into a big thing.

Speaker 1 13:55

But you know, I would say definitely, once you find that someone that you, that you, found attractive and you've started dating, you know you're in the beginning phases of your relationship. Maybe that's when you need to have that conversation. You know it's better to find out in the beginning than to wait, reproduce, have a family and then now your attraction comes with a court mandated price tag. So you know, take out the time to talk folks. Communication, real big on it, all right.

Speaker 1 14:15

So, as I already said, you know, mating systems, sexual orientation and species attraction are probably the three main types of attraction in the animal kingdom. It's not complicated, it's what we are. It's simple. We're keeping it simple, people. That's why I love being an animal. But you know, mating systems focus yet again on things as far as monogamy. Or you know, if you want to have multiple partners, or you know there's so many different branches of that now, um, you know, it's no longer just one or two or three or four partners, it's gone beyond that. There's quite a few. I'm not going to cover them right now.

Speaker 1 14:49

So you have sexual orientation straight, gay, bi, what's your interest? And this is to be more complex than people give it credit for Many different levels of attraction occur within groups of men only and there's, you know, levels of attraction that occur within groups of women only. So, um, in most, in most cases, I guarantee you, in your circle, there's levels of attraction that size them up. Game. That's happening to don't. You can deny it all you want, but I guarantee it's happening. Uh, you know, his biceps are bigger than mine, whatever the case may be. Or her breasts are bigger than mine. You're looking at people in a way, but you find things that you know you find aesthetically pleasing about them. Also, that's not saying you want to have sex with them, it's just saying that you find things aesthetically pleasing about that person. So it's all. I think it's all a matter of whether your culture practices expression. I think that's another thing.

Speaker 1 15:37

So you know, looking back at a few conversations that I had prior to actually starting this podcast, you know there were some things that hit about birth control and its effects on women and their attraction to their mates, and you know, um, oral contraceptives this is back in 2010, but there was a thing about oral contraceptives, Um, and basically the pill users preferring men who were relatively, um, similar to them, um, and this had something to do with chromosome number six, which I think should be a follow on song to Mambo number five. But you know, one of the consequences of this chromosome six thing, as far as the pill takers went, was that they tend to basically be attracted to men who are similar to them, but this caused the women to express lower sexual responsibility to their long-term partners. But you know, I'm going to sum that up here real quick, because I actually found an article that dumbed it down for me specifically and basically it did cover down on four key areas, and this was actually on flowlivingcom, and the article kind of covered down on how pills ruin love and basically the birth control pills. Basically, you know they say that the women would tend to like the smell of men and women that are wrong for them romantically. Number two they would become less attracted to the opposite sex or same sex. Number three, which is probably the scariest one, that attraction to your current partner may disappear and then finally, it suppresses your sex drive.

Speaker 1 17:03

And you know I say meds are messing up the world. It is what it is. But you may be wondering, as a man, why am I talking about this? I don't know, because I can read. Men like to learn things. Maybe it's going to help you know a few people out there maybe it's going to help your partner understand a little bit more about what may be going on, and maybe it's something you don't understand that's going on with you, and maybe it's something you guys can sit down and work on together.

Speaker 1 17:23

So, lastly, you know you have that species attraction not going to really hit this one. It can go in so many different directions, but I would hope that it's self explanatory that I'm talking about humans. But we as humans tend to pervert things. But if you are a furry and you are not hurting anyone as two consenting adults go forward. Just leave the animals out of it, not going to beat that down anymore. So at the end of the day, folks, you know, attraction it's a beast and it brings out the beast in all of us. So embrace your spirit animal and, you know, keep an eye, your nose open, your ears open. You know that one, that that one that you're looking for, may be close by. So I will definitely say you know the challenge of the week here.

Speaker 1 18:02

If you're in a relationship, sit down together or alone and talk, think or write about what has attracted you to the person you're with and what it is that, over time, you know, still attracts you to them, or something new that attracts you to them. Just having a conversation actually might be pretty fun. And if you're single and still on the hunt but can't seem to get things right with the dating app, I say leave them alone because they're only designed for one thing. But if you're single, sit down by yourself this weekend or sit down with some friends, some close friends, not just any friend, but sit down with some close friends and just have fun with it and actually, you know, seriously discuss what you find attractive about someone or what you're you know not what you're looking for in someone, but what you actually find attractive about someone. You know this could help them. You know, be a better wingman or wingwoman for you. But you know, keep it real. Don't get too crazy with what you find attractive about someone. Be honest and be real and I think you'll actually get better results that way, or at least some help from your friends. But I'm definitely looking forward to the next two weeks with you guys. Love is in the air and I think it's going to be great positive conversations that we're going to have. So, as always, late for you guys on Monday, but life takes over. That's just what happens. But you know I'm Dre.

Speaker 1 19:13

I'm signing off from another episode of Leo's Liberation. Take care of yourself and each other. You can find me on leosliberationbrust, leo Liberated on Facebook, leo underscore Liberated on X and Leo's underscore Liberation on Instagram. Please follow me on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast on. Give me a like, rating or leave comments for me to grow on. I'll talk to you guys later on this week. Have a great one.